Make the Most of Your Next Depression
Note from Amber: I am excited to have my husband, Greg, share on the blog today about his experience with seasonal depression. There are many reasons why people struggle with depression, and this is not an attempt to provide treatment or fail-proof solutions. Our desire is that you find hope and encouragement in Greg’s raw and humorous approach, knowing you are not alone if you have similar struggles.
Make the Most of Your Next Depression
BY GREG BATEMAN
12/6/2024
“Make the most of your next depression”? Said no depressed person. Ever. Whoever wrote that title obviously is not depressed. Optimism and depression mix about as well as a scented candle and a wet rag. Because in the pit of depression, things that normally cheer you up, don’t. Things that are normally easy, aren’t. Good ideas, just feel dumb and meaningless.
Depression is common, and seasonal depression a common form. My brain has picked January or February as my misery month (both if I’m lucky). I never could find a detour around those months. But I did learn that they always come after November and December, which led me to develop a depression-prep plan.
Whether you are rationing up for an approaching loss, postpartum preparation, or “in-case-of-break-up, break-glass” kit, you can also stash up things for easy access when you don’t feel like moving. They may not get rid of ‘winter’, but they are there during it. There are easy to get at when everything is hard, and a reminder that non-depressed me actually isn’t as incapable as depressed me.
So here is my holiday gift to you, (and to future depressed me)— a stash of happy acorns if you will.
1) Stash meaningful friends
“Hey, can I come over some Sunday in January? I’m trying to get ahead of my depression with friendships that are good for my heart.”
One of the hardest, most effective, and scary things to do in the midst of depression is to reach out to people. Make a list of good friends. I do this by pinning text message threads in my phone. This reminds me I am not friendless (even when I feel like I am). This is why I sent the above text out in November to a friend-couple of mine that I enjoy time with. The autumn text went out easy and without all the doubts and insecurities that hold back the same text if it went out in winter.
2) Stash clear easy requests
I won’t lie. Depression can be overwhelming. Sometimes helping a depressed friend can feel like pouring glitter and sunshine straight into a toilet, actively being flushed. But if you give people clear requests, they don’t feel as overwhelmed as you think. More importantly, they will spare you the glittery optimism, and instead they’ll give you what you actually need. Here’s some examples of things you can ask people for.
“I think I just need a hug”
“Just knowing you’re my friend and we can hang out, means a lot”
“Just sitting and hearing me out helps a ton”
“Can you set a reminder to give me a call and check in on me in a couple weeks?”
“Can you remind me of how fun I can be? Or how I’ve been depressed in the past and have gotten through it”
It can be hard work to identify your own needs, but it is important. I found Dr. Townsend’s relational nutrients to be a very helpful starting point. I printed off a list of these nutrients and glued it in my planner. Doing this ahead of time helps because non-depressed me can write down friends who provide different nutrients, better than depressed me can.
3) Stash meaningful notes
When I feel like I am of no consequence in the earth, I have a stash of papers in my closet. This can be an elaborate scrapbook, a box of loose papers, or anything between. Inside are hand-written notes I’ve saved. A nice card or letter from someone else, things I wrote down myself that others texted me, or things I have actually accomplished.
4) Stash meaningful media
One of my self-care songs is Up! By Davey Asaph and has the line Pity parties poppin’ like cans of Pringles in it. I use that phrase to describe my depression to friends. They laugh, then I laugh, and for a moment, it lifts me up out of the slump so that I can see myself from the outside. Having funny phrases, memes, or playlist of songs to describe your depression makes it less overwhelming for you and those around you. Pick media that is a mix of honesty and vulnerability, humor and hope, and actual reality. When you can sum up depression with a humorous phrase and laugh at it, it goes from feeling like a cloud blocking all light to a comical odor that will come and go.
Proactively making a plan can really help you get through seasonal depression. These “acorns” can take some time and mental energy, but I have found them very useful. You could write at the bottom of your plan:
“You actually wrote this plan. You won’t always feel like this. Hang in there, depressed me.”
Greg Bateman works in data science and enjoys church history, writing poetry, confetti cake, and being a dad to two active boys.